Category: My Journey

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LOSING A PARENT

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LOSING A PARENT OR LOVED ONE

My father Wesley Greig passed away in May of 2012, to cancer, it was his second time battling the disease. Cancer is a terrible word to me. I wish cancer was non-existent. Unfortunately, it is real. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure. The pain and anguish feel like they are going to crush your everything. I didn’t know what to do, I had never lost someone so close to me in my entire life. Do you know how it feels to lose a parent or someone really close?

Taking steps

Taking Baby Steps

5 STAGES OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS

Many people say there are 5 stages in the grieving process. I experienced them all but in a different way.

1. Denial

This was the second time my father had battled cancer so somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought “It’s OK he has beaten this before, everything will be OK” but it wasn’t, this time it was different.

2. Anger

I got angry at my dad. So angry. How could he not take care of himself? how could he just leave us like this? I also got angry with myself, I was angry that I didn’t know my dad better. When my dad was in the hospital he was asked “is there anywhere you want to see just one last time?” he said no. I didn’t know then that he had always dreamed about visiting Australia. I didn’t know. So how can he not want to see anything just one last time, was all I could think? It is your last time. I think he was just very tired.

3. Bargaining

I wished, I hoped and I prayed, I just wanted to believe that my dad would be OK. At the time I didn’t have much faith so I bargained with my self. I will do my best to get healthy so I don’t leave my children in the same place. If I do better he might get better, he has to get better. He didn’t get better.

4. Depression

I was so depressed, so upset. Why him? why me? I will never get to see him again just pictures, a ghost of his true self. Memories, just memories, memories I didn’t truly understand. Then I realized that memories are what are most important, remembering the good times past, the fun times and not the bad times ahead. So, grief-stricken, I created a Facebook page dedicated solely to Cherishing A Life And Not Mourning A Death. My dads first-ever Facebook page, I cried uncontrollably during this process. I thought this would help me with my acceptance, mostly it helped with my depression, as I was able to see the many posts made by friends and family, I finally learned just how loved and respected my dad was. How much he made a difference in peoples lives. I cried a lot!

5. Acceptance

I think the first stages of acceptance came after my fathers funeral. I’ve never had to endure something as heartbreaking as, after everything, seeing him without that spark of life. That wonderful life that ended way before its time.

My dad was a hardworking man who did everything he could to make our lives better. There were really good times but there were also really bad times. He was our father. I would do anything I could to bring him back. There is just no will strong enough to change the way of life.

HELP FOR THE GRIEVING

I have a friend who has recently experienced the loss of a loved one. I thought I knew how she felt, I got this (I said to myself), but then I realized I didn’t. People grieve differently. I suddenly felt helpless. I wanted to try to cheer her up but I quickly saw that maybe that’s not what she needs.

EVERYONE NEEDS TIME

Time heals everything. How much time is the question? Some people need more than others. Just remember it can be scary or frustrating but every grieving person needs someone, especially someone who is ready to not judge them.

5 STAGES OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS

Recognizing the 5 stages of the grieving process from above and realizing everyone goes through them differently, sometimes repeating stages is most important. The more familiar you are with these stages the better equipped you will be in helping your friends.

EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY

Some people are more resilient than others. You have to take into account the cause and length of time, before death. What your friend has experienced in the past. Their relationship to the loved one as well as the size of their support network. Make sure they know that you understand their individual needs.

someone can help

help is here

ITS HARD NOT TO TELL THEM THEY ARE STRONG BUT NO MATTER WHAT, DO NOT

Your friend may seem strong on the outside but they may be broken down on the inside but that’s alright. It’s OK to be human and vulnerable. Everyone is human, it’s OK to cry. That is how we deal with loss emotionally. Letting it out is better than locking it up.

MEMORIALIZING CAN HELP

Tree plantings, memorial services, writing letters, creating a Facebook page, remembrance gatherings as well as funerals are some of the best ways to memorialize.  Keeping the good memories alive.

ASK THEM WHAT THEY NEED

Although they may not know right away, don’t get frustrated. Just make sure they know you will be there wherever and whenever they think of something they need. Don’t get discouraged if they don’t need help right away, they will need something eventually just try your best to be there when they need you.

BE HONEST SHOW THEM YOU CARE

Just checking in from time to time can show a person you really care. Having someone really care can be one of the best supports in the grieving process. Even if it’s just a quick “how are you doing today?” text or phone call. Just let your friend know you will always be there.

WAYS TO SHOW YOU CARE

Recently a new family member told me that a good way of showing you are there for your friend, is just by stopping by with a coffee or muffin and saying, how are you doing? This is a very powerful act. This could help them see how much you really care.

In Need Of Help

Feeling Alone

HELP IS JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY

In my area, there are supports set up for just this reason or any other problem you might be having. So if you think you are in a mental health crisis or just need to talk, help is just a click or phone call away peel/Dufferin county crisis helpline Get Online Help Now>> or call 1-888-811-2222 open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, cause you are not alone. Talking can help.

WHATEVER MAKES A DIFFERENCE

Sometimes even the simplest of things can make a difference. Just before my dad passed away, my talented uncle Monty, wrote a song for him called  In My Arms Again>> Get it on iTunes. I think it gave me another way of feeling the emotions that I really needed to feel and just helped let it all out. I can listen to this song over and over again. You can preview this song and more on the album I’m Gonna Live Until I Die>> Available on iTunes 

Feel free to post any questions or comments below. Thanks,

Tanya

 


Coping With-The Death Of A Parent

My father passed away in May 2012. It’s still so hard, remembering his laughter and his jokes. His smiling face still haunts my dreams, I miss him. He was such a hardworking man. He did it all for us, his family. My dad worked hard every day of his life to take care of us. I can’t imagine going to work every day and not seeing the family you are doing it for. It has to be so hard. Sadly that is my reality now!

Working weekends

Weekends only jobs should be obsolete, at least for single parents(during the school year). They have laws in Canada for working holidays and having paid time off. Why can’t they introduce a law for single working parents to at least get a shift premium for working weekends/shift work (12 hour shifts). Most people are trying to get out of the 9-5, I’m trying to get in so i have time for my children and time to finally work on my other baby, my online business. It kills me on a daily basis that my children don’t have at least one parent at home at all times. Being a single mother of three though there is nothing I can do. Right now i choose to be single i hardly have time for my children let alone another adult.

Love

Relationships

My last relationship was a special one. Got together and almost immediately started talking about having a baby. My mistake was, Why didn’t i realise that he was one of those people who don’t stay long. Enter my newest blessing, the baby of the family, my youngest daughter. Her father was a blessing in disguise (yes he left me alone with a one-year old just after my father passed away) but he also left me with our daughter. I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

The Fear

Understanding what anxiety is

With the passing of my father came another curve ball…….anxiety! what the bloody heck? cause i needed more right? Anxiety is scary business. I’ve never had anxiety before in my life. I’ve experienced the other side of it before. My youngest daughters father experienced it, right in front of me, but I didn’t understand. How could I? I had never had that problem before. Why didn’t I know that when someone is experiencing anxiety it can be really real and it’s not all in your head. Why didn’t I know then, what I know now. Panic attacks and anxiety make you feel like you are stuck in your own mind and can’t get out. It can be very debilitating. Sometimes you can’t even leave the house for fear of having another panic attack. I received medication for the anxiety and panic attacks, after about a year, I was able to wean myself off of the meds. I will never ever doubt the realness of anxiety ever again, having lived through it!

My newest affliction-working with back pain

I am very clumsy! About a year ago I had a bad fall (not at work). Do any of you know what a sacrum is? I sure as heck didn’t until I bruised it! The sacrum is a very strong wedge shaped bone that doesn’t fully develop until around the age of 30. Being the solid base of the spine, it supports the weight of the upper body. The sacrum is the result of five vertebrae that join together to form a single bone. So of course I thought hey let’s injure that, this should be fun! Not really! Because I injured myself away from work I was not allotted a healing period and I went back to work the next day. I’m a single mother of three, I had no choice! Let me tell you it has been a rough year I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy, to have a bruised sacrum. It hurts like hell. I am still in pain but I have finally been referred to a physiotherapist, to help with the constant pain. Let’s hope this helps!

2017

Where I’m at/wanna be

Having so much pain, I have been unable to play with my kids the way I want to. This has brought me to the realisation that they need me at home more. They need to see my face and feel my hugs. Have my attention. This has also started me on this year long path of research. I want to be home more. I need to be home more so I don’t miss all the little, or big things that happen. How can I do that? I want to work from home, like all those people you hear about making money online, but how can I? I want to be a singlemomworkingfromhome.com type of person, you know?

With their help


I have recently come across what I thought was just a website for affiliate marketing. I have realized I was wrong! It is not just a website but a full-blown community of like-minded professionals, who were once just like me and wanted a change. The chance to create your own business from the ground up. That community is Wealthy Affiliate! It is such a fantastic group of people in this community, they are all so helpful and understanding. It’s not a contest there, it’s an inspiration. Everyone really tries their best to help you succeed. There are many tools and classrooms as well, specifically designed to help you get to where you want to be, a business owner. It is not a get-rich-quick scheme by any means, you have to put in the work to see progress but if you ever get stuck you can just join the chat or enter a classroom and everyone will do whatever is in their power to help. I recommend Wealthy Affiliate to anyone who is ready to work hard to help make their dreams a reality! Don’t hesitate get your free 7 day trial today!

Wouldn’t you love to say you created a successful business on your own? Even with the doubters and the haters?

The only stupid question, is the question that wasn’t asked

So if you have anything to add, or questions please comment below. I will be sure to get back to you,

Tanya

My Office

 

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